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The Beginning

At that Burger King where we sat following a mother-son trip to see the movie Inside Out, Johnny struggled to begin the conversation. To say those words, “I’m gay.” The first thing that came to my mind and to my lips was - “I will always love you.” Just as it is written in Psalm 139:14 “God formed you in the womb and and you are wonderfully made.” Simply said. God was not surprised. God’s love didn’t change when Johnny said those words. Neither did my love.



Our choice of movie, “Inside Out”, seemed significant. The movie portrays the many layers of feelings and reactions, displaying our minds as if they were pinball machines. So many layers of feelings during my conversation with Johnny. Where God hadn’t been surprised; I was. I had not spent a single moment thinking about the sexuality of my sons. I worried about their stress levels, their nutrition, the amount of sleep they didn’t get. I had no idea my son was staying up late into the night trying to “pray the gay away”.


This was just days after a Supreme Court ruling on June 26, 2015. In Obergefell v. Hodges, the justices ruled that the 14th amendment mandates that all states must recognize same-sex marriages. The consequence of the ruling was that Section 2 of the Defense of Marriage Act could not be enforced. In short, Gay Marriage was legal.


As a friend recently declared, “I joined a club that I had not applied for or ever intended to be a member of.” Not that I didn’t want Johnny to be gay. I wanted him to be the “best Johnny he could be.” Not that there was something wrong with him being gay. But it is a harder path; with “hard” being relative when you compare his journey with those who came out of the closet even 10 years ago. Not that I hadn’t already explored my understanding and tried to match it with my faith. I had. I had not seen the writing on the wall and did not expect the twists and turns that my life would take in the following years.


I had work to do.

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