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Responses to Friends

He knew for a long time and spent many years (all of high school) trying to pray it away. (pray the gay away). Finally, he realized it was the way God made him.

He is wonderfully made as he is. And he has a wonderful group of Christian friends and fellowship at a public university.

Well, I do know that he is made in God’s image and God has a plan to use him somehow, just the way he is.  Being gay is not easy, but it is not a choice. It is just the way he is made.
God uses each of us in different ways. And I feel confident he has a plan for my child.


At some point, you might want to answer those who lay a Bible verse in your lap when they learn that your family member is gay. Consider these points:


  • You can’t argue this issue by cherry picking verses or by focusing on the 6 or 7 clobber verses in the  Bible.

  • Strange that there are only 7 passages that allude to homosexuality, but those Christians who are against LGBTQ individuals will know all of these verses to the exclusion of the wealth of other teachings from Jesus that are inclusive.  If you want more background on those verses a book by Matthew Vines, God and the Gay Christian, is well researched and easy to read.

  • My spiritual life has been much richer since my child came out.  I try to listen to all sermons and messages at church from the viewpoint or through the ears of anyone who lives on the margins of the world.  All of the messages I hear apply 100% to the LGBTQ community as well as to all humans.



Some key truths which inform my perspective include:


  1. Primarily, I look at the main message of the New Testament which is what Jesus called the Greatest  Commandment – to love the Lord and to love our neighbor.

  2. With that in mind, I challenge myself to judge all of my beliefs and actions and ask myself, “Am I really following Jesus and his primary teaching?  Or have I become a Pharisee…living the law and neglecting Jesus’ primary message?” The church’s response to the LGBTQ community has been one of the most hateful demonstrations that I have ever seen the church be involved in. Sermons in all kinds of churches will focus on welcoming everyone but they will not address the sexual minority. The LGBTQ community seems to be treated as the lepers were treated during the times that the New Testament was written.

  3. I often comment to other parents and to fellow Christians, that if we believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and if we believe that “God so loved the (entire)world”… that we must believe that this applies to every single person – each fully loved as created. Whether left handed, introvert, artist, depressed, anxious, overbearing, trans or gay, (to list only a few of our many differences), we are all made in God’s Image.

  4. “By this you shall know that you are my disciples, if you show love to one another.”  However, the reputation of Christians in today’s world reveals that a primary association with Christians is that they are judgemental, homophobic, hypocritical.  Why isn't their primary thought of Christians as loving, caring, and self-sacrificing as Jesus lived?  Google “What do Christians hate?” and what you will read, you will recognize.

  5. Jesus welcomed everyone. The harshest words he had were directed to the religious leaders of the day.  I don't believe he would have treated LGBTQ individuals as lepers the way the church does today.

  6. Sexual minorities need the Lord just as much as gossips, gluttons and judgemental people need the Lord. Why can't we reach out in love and welcome every lost sheep home?  Pastor Ken Fong, a Baptist pastor from Southern California and professor at Fuller Seminary has a talk entitled, Welcoming Every Lost Sheep Home and Keep Every Little Lamb From Harm. Many of those who identify as LGBTQ and Christian have been abandoned by their families, by their church and have been almost forced to live on the streets and on the fringes of life.

  7. Why is there such a need for Christians to show disapproval? Why do many Christians feel a need to say something to LGBTQ individuals and their families? Where is the call to point out our differences to each other? When was the last time you felt compelled to speak to an overweight person about how they were mistreating their body, the temple of the Holy Spirit? Do you see a double standard here?

  8. 1 Corinthians 7:20 Let each man remain in that condition in which he was called. And our LGBTQ friends and family are expressing the condition in which they were born.  It is not a choice.

  9. Even in the times of the new church, after Jesus ascended to heaven, the disciples had to be convinced of the cleanliness of the Gentiles. They thought only Jews could follow Jesus, but with Peter’s interactions with Cornelius, he learned that he was not to call others unclean. Acts 10:28  “And he said to them, “you yourselves know how unlawful it is for a man who is a Jew to associate with a foreigner or to visit him, and yet God has shown me that I should not call any man unholy or unclean.” Today, aren’t LGBTQ individuals in the same position that Gentiles were in the days of Paul and Peter?

  10. I encourage those who ask questions to look at many of the resources on this website.

  11. I also point out that attitudes toward slaves, women, and divorce have changed dramatically in the past two centuries. I think God is wondering how long it will take us to get this right too.


It is important to keep in mind that for everyone, this is a journey. Just like a spiritual journey, our children’s awareness of their sexuality is a journey and then our understanding of this is a process as well. 

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